Although I’ve written about energy vampires before, here I wanted to focus on a specific type: the drama queen. Or it could be the drama king, men do it too.
But to make things easier, I will simply use the term drama queen because it’s what we’re all used to.
Have you ever had a friend, acquaintance or family member that whenever you spend time with them, you leave feeling drained and tired?
I have a friend like that. The more time she spends with other people, the more energetic she gets. It’s like hanging around with other people seems to give her a high. While all around her people are drooping and dropping off like flies.
She explained it this way: “I just seem to be born with an extra load of energy. I think I just have more energy than everyone else. It’s just the way I am.
“Whenever other people are with me, they all get tired. They tell me, Annie (not her real name). Annie, they say, you have such high energy levels, we just can’t keep up with you. We all get so worn out and tired trying to keep up with you. You’re so blessed to be so energetic. We wish we had your energy!
“But it’s nothing that I’m doing,” she continues to explain. “I don’t do anything to be this way. It’s just my nature.”
And all of us, all her friends, believed that. I believed it. We all did. We all thought, Annie’s so lucky to be born with so much energy. None of us had any idea Annie was an energy vampire, not even Annie herself.
But after spending a few consecutive days with Annie I was just soooooo tired. It wasn’t tired as in when you run around a big city and try to carry out fifty errands or when you desperately try to arrive on time to an important meeting and there’s a traffic jam.
It was tired as if Annie had spent the whole day every day beating a biiiig drum against my head.
It was like spending the whole day every day with an electric drill pounding away beside me.
But that is just what energy vampires do. If I’d known it then, I could have taken some measures to protect myself from her. But she’s my friend. Why would I ever have imagined I’d need protection from a friend?
Now, I like Annie. I really enjoy her company. I think she’s exciting, always gets the most amaze ideas for fun things to do and fun places to go and since she’s an extrovert, she also always meets the most exciting people too. Unlike plain boring introverted untalkative old me.
In addition to which she’s super friendly, very helpful, tremendously knowledgeable on a variety of subjects and she’s just simply the kind of person who cares about you and wants to make you feel good.
So what’s not to like about her?
But Then a Few Days Later.........
But then a few days later she called me up with a most imperious request. She absolutely needed me to do something for her posthaste. As in, she needed it yesterday.
She followed up with what sounded like some sort of fantastical tale about these evil in-laws who literally, you’ve-just-gotta-believe-me I’m-not-making-it-up were ganging up to kill her.
“If you don’t do this for me ASAP they’re gonna kill me. And if they don’t kill me I’ll be dead of a heart attack. I literally can’t staaand this anymore. If you don’t help me to stop them, like, now, I’ll either get a heart attack or they are going to straight out literally without a doubt come after me and kill me!” she shrieked.
Now, I do agree that her in-laws aren’t the nicest. But they didn’t exactly look like sadistic-torturer material to me either.
So it took me a few days to get around to carrying out her request. I mean, they weren’t really going to kill her. And like all people I’ve got a life. And sometimes in that life I’m busy.
Well after that she sent me a huge, hysterical, histrionic b*tchy whatsapp where she screamed on and on for a while telling me things like: “I thought you were my friend!” and “If you were really truly my friend you woulda cared that those people were after me and wanted to kill me.” “Shouldn’t I have first priority in your life? After all they were going to kill me. What else could be more urgent in your life than that??”
Now, if her in-laws really were that kind of dangerous, mafia-gangster-style people, you can be sure I woulda been hopping out of there real fast.
But this is her in-laws: a poor elderly mother-in-law with Alzheimers. A sister-in-law who I do admit can be a bit mean sometimes. But not to the point of actually going out and killing anyone. She just looked tired to me. Probably from spending most of her time looking after her disabled mother.
And a few distant cousins who live on the other side of the country. According to Annie, they are mean too.
But to tell you the truth, they just didn’t really give me the mafia-family-clan cosa-nostra kinda vibe, if you know what I mean.
So as I was saying, so she sent me this really nasty voice message implying that I wasn’t a good friend of hers.
Say what?? So where did that come from?
I’d always done whatever she asked me to do. Whenever she needed help I was there for her. If she had a crisis in the middle of the night and needed to talk I was there on the other side of the phone.
Not to mention the fifty million arguments she was constantly entertaining with her boyfriend (whose family supposedly wants to kill her). Every time they argued there she was bawling away for a shoulder to cry on. And there I was to lend her that shoulder.
In addition to which, I noticed she didn’t exactly bawl away quietly for a couple of hours whenever she had an argument, the way most people do.
Nope. An argument with her boyfriend could lead to a full-fledged, unrestrained absolute screaming session that could last for a few days. Every time they argued.
And of course during that several-day-long screaming session she would also of course be bawling her eyes out non-stop.
Who knew anyone could bawl away for three days without stopping?
That’s when I realized she wasn’t exactly normal.
This Was Not Normal
I mean, I knew drama queens existed. I’ve even bumped into a few.
But they were never people who were close to me. They were people who would maybe spend a half hour with me and a bunch of other friends over coffee, bawl their eyes out for that half hour and then we’d say good-bye.
Or they’d be the people I barely knew who would be having a hysteria attack at a party.
But being friends with a drama queen, that is a totally different plate of food. Turns out, this type of behaviour is actually the norm with energy vampires.
What It’s Like to be Friends With an Energy Vampire
Their request is always the most urgent. If you don’t do what they command you to do ASAP the consequences will always be dire. Like someone is going to kill them. Or they are going to die tomorrow of cancer.
They’re psychic vampires. Energy suckers.
And as I explained in this post on psychic vampires, they spend most of their time trying to find people to suck energy from.
That’s why their friends always feel so tired after spending time with them, while the drama queen gets more and more excited and seems to swell up with so much energy it’s like she’s on a high.
It’s not because, as she believes, she’s just naturally born with so much energy that her friends just can’t keep up with her, so they get tired trying to.
The reason we all get so tired from spending time with her is because she sucks our energy from us.
She does that by grabbing all our attention and not letting us pay any attention to anyone or anything else.
The more attention we give her, the more energy she sucks from us. So that by the end of the day, she’s swollen up with all our energy, the reason why she’s become so hyperactive and feels like she can take on the world, while the rest of us are all ready to fall down.
This, basically, is how the drama queen (or drama king) type of energy vampires suck our energy from us.
So what can we do about it?
Some Helpful Suggestions
Well, firstly, if you’ve got these types of energy vampires in your life, you might find it helpful to keep them at a distance. Spend less time with them. If they keep going after you, hem and haw and find some excuses.
After a while, they’ll get tired because they crave immediate gratification and if they don’t get that from you, they’ll cast about restlessly for someone else to fulfil their needs.
Set up boundaries. Boundaries are so important. We must be grateful for the energy vampires in our lives because these types of people are there to teach us how to establish healthy boundaries in a diplomatic manner.
It’s an important lesson to learn, because there are so many different kinds of energy vampires out there, in addition to drama queens.
I’ve got a specific article on boundaries on this website if you’d like to read more about this subject.
I find this circle of white light exercise very helpful too. (Click on link to read the exercise.) I’ve started carrying out this visualization for myself and my loved ones every morning. I don’t know how effective it is against energy vampires and other energy suckers out there, but it does seem to help keep us safe.
If I’m a Drama Queen What Can I Do?
Now that is quite a rare and unusual question for a drama queen to ask. Most energy vampires that I know about will hang on by the skin of their teeth to the idea that they are perfect and there is absolutely nothing wrong with them.
So if you’re a queen or king of super-over-exaggerated reactions and you’d like help, the first — and maybe most important — thing you can do is to actually ADMIT that you need help.
That is hard to do. Because PRIDE usually makes us want to believe that we are perfect and that it is always the rest of the people in the world who have a problem.
But really, if you’re actually capable of humbling yourself and admitting that you need help, there are plenty of ways to help you.
First you should know that IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT that you are an energy vampire. You’re not doing it on purpose.
Most of these experts in hysterics learnt their behaviour as kids. Maybe they discovered that their family only paid attention to them if they yelled and screamed. Or maybe they simply found out that acting this way made them popular at school, and they looooveeeeed being popular at school.
However you learnt it, the fact is that you did learn it at an early age from the behaviour and responses of the people around you. You realized that you loved the attention this brought you. So you just kept on doing whatever it was you were doing to bring in all this attention.
Most drama queens have no idea about what they are doing. They have no idea that they are energy vampires. So to their credit, it’s not like they are doing this on purpose.
But if you do discover that you are a queen of histrionics, you can find treatment.
Psychological treatment and therapy can work wonders. Although, not being a psychologist or counsellor, I haven’t seen it in action myself, I have read that cognitive behavioural therapy is especially helpful, useful and effective for treating this type of problem.
So why don’t you give it a shot? If you have free healthcare, set up an appointment with a psychologist and have a chat with them.
And if you don’t have free healthcare, you might still be able to work out a free information session with a psychologist or therapist.
You don’t have to live with this problem and suffer silently — or rather, more likely, suffer very loudly and noisily.
Did you find this article helpful? Do you have any energy vampires in your life? Don’t hesitate to leave me your comments down below.
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