Psychic Empathy Part II: Creating Firm Boundaries

First of all, before learning how to actually control psychic empathy, I suppose you might want to find out if you even need to learn to control it at all.

In other words, you might like to discover if you actually do enjoy the use of this gift (because it really is a gift, although you might beg to disagree on account of all the suffering this characteristic may have brought you throughout your life), either because you were born with it, or succeeded in developing it by, for example, following some of the suggestions outlined in this first article on psychic empathy.

Rolling Emotions of Empathy

Other people have written comprehensive lists on their websites (for example Rose Rosetree, who is an online psychic empathy expert) of the signs and “symptoms” that betray if you really do indeed enjoy this privilege, and as I have no desire to copy other people’s websites, I won’t make any lists here myself.

Instead, what I’ve decided to do is to tell you what it feels like, and what life is like, if you do happen to enjoy an intuitive empathy ability.

How Do You Know If You Have Psychic Empathy?

In this post, I’ve described some typical situations which have arisen in my life where I found it most useful to be able to feel what other people were feeling.

Here are some more examples and descriptions I could give you. If you tend to identify with many or most of these examples, or the same sorts of things have happened to you, chances are you probably also enjoy natural psychic empathy. So congratulations to you!

One example of something that happened once. I had a good friend who got sent to jail for something (and no oh my no, I do NOT have a tendency to frequent the company of criminals and bad guys! Not that I have anything against them, however, but they just don’t tend to feel any attraction towards me for friendship, nor I towards their attitudes and lifestyles, for some reason or other……).

I spoke with her, and she was confiding all her fears to me. Her fears of getting locked away forever and being separated from her baby (at the time she was allowed to be with her baby). Her fear of never being able to see the sky or walk underneath the sunshine again.

After I left her, for many days afterwards I had such an oppressive sensation of foreboding and doom. I felt like people were trying to take my kids away from me. I felt as though I had done something horrible and any day now people would make me pay for it, and I would never be able to get away.

Of course in my “real” life there was (fortunately!) absolutely no reason at all for me to feel that way. My own life was going just groovy. I could delight in the company of my children whenever I wanted to. I hadn’t done anything horrible so of course there was no reason to fear that anyone would ever want to make me pay for it.

Psychic Empathy Every Day

Well, I could go on and on about empathy because, seeing as it’s something I live with every day, well there certainly is no lack in my life of examples of psychic empathy at work for me every day.

In other situations, well, for example, you might be at a party and you can just “intuit” when your host is tired and is fervently wishing that all you guests would just clear out and leave him alone so that he can conk out, even though he continues to smile at everyone and even laugh at jokes.

You might go to an interview and be capable of discerning when you have said something that pleases your interlocutor or when, on the other hand, you have just put your foot in your mouth, so you can make the proper adjustments in your attitude as hurriedly as possible. I’ve breezed through a good number of interviews (and got the jobs, of course) thanks to this particular advantage.

So Why Do Some People Think Having Psychic Empathy is a Pain?

Well, it does seem like I am trying to make it sound like it’s a real piece of delicious apple pie if you possess psychic empathy. But in fact, if you actually do have it, you probably think it’s more like a pain than a gift. You’re feeling just groovy, top of the world, and then you talk to your friend who’s in jail and you want to spend the next 7 days bawling away.

You go to work feeling like you’re walking on sunshine and then what happens? Bam! For some reason or other your mean-tempered co-worker in the cubicle next to you gets you all worked up about everything. Now everything bothers you! The lights are too bright, people are talking too loudly, you hate everyone and everything. How could that be? You haven’t even exchanged a word with your nasty next-door neighbour so, how could they possibly affect you so much?

The answer is simple. You’ve got psychic empathy.

  • If you’re a multi-coloured rainbow and when you go someplace where everything is grey, you turn grey too.
  • If you always end up feeling and acting like all the people around you.
  • If whenever you’re with someone you always agree with them, not because you want to be simpering and obsequious but rather because, when you’re with them, you see what they see and you feel what they feel and therefore, logically, you can also see perfectly well that they are right. And then the next minute when you talk to their enemy, who expounds the opposing point of view, you also discover that you agree with the enemy, because at that particular moment you DO see and feel what the enemy sees and feels.

If you identify with these situations, chances are, you’ve got psychic empathy.

So then, you might like to learn something about controlling and understanding this empathy, in order not to be constantly overwhelmed and knocked off your centre every time someone has a temper tantrum within 50 blocks of you!

Exercises for Controlling Psychic Empathy

These are exercises which worked for me, so you might find them worth a try, too.

Once I had a really great counsellor and one day I was talking to him and I kept saying things like, Mary thinks this about me, and Joe sees me in that way and Bob has so-and-so opinion about me.

Now, the reason I think in this fashion is because I am always, always seeing the world through other people’s eyes – the eyes of whomever I happen to behold before me at the moment. It’s second nature and automatic to me, I’ve always done this and it never occurred to me that I could ever live life any other way.

I suppose perhaps it’s just the normal, natural way of living and looking at the world, and the people in it, when you have psychic empathy.

So then the counsellor cried out, “Stop! I don’t care what Mary or Joe or Bob think of you. I want to know what YOU think of you!”

This was a first for me. Now, I’ve lived for a good number of years and in all that time it had never occurred to me to ask myself what I thought of myself. Or to step back and listen to my own opinions about myself, and respect them.

But doing this simple exercise really, really helped me. It taught me to start to respect myself and my own thoughts, opinions and feelings. It taught me how to block out other people’s thoughts and voices and just concentrate on what I, myself, believed and felt about things.

Erect Strong Boundaries

It showed me how to erect boundaries between myself and the rest of the world, and that it was okay to have these boundaries and to reinforce them. That in fact it was good for me to maintain a sacred space within myself, where no one else would be allowed to tread. A circle within where I could just sit back and listen to myself and no one else. Where I could relax and say to myself, okay, Serena, I’m listening to you now. So what do you think of this, or that?

And then listen to my reply without any adulteration from outside voices.

So if you’re like me and you have a lot of problems trying to keep other people’s voices, emotions, despair, sorrow and fears out of yourself and your psyche due to your ever-vigilant psychic empathy, you can try this exercise and see for yourself, how very powerful and healing it really is.

Just sit back, relax, in a space where no one else can enter or bother you (or alternatively if you have someone you can really, really really confide in, and whom you know won’t hurt you no matter what, you can also do this exercise in this person’s company).

Close Your Eyes

Close your eyes, plug your ears if you have to, and just ask yourself quietly and non-judgementally: So, (your name), what do you think of yourself (or about any specific situation in which you would like some insight into)?

And then listen to your own reply without any adulteration from outside voices. Without allowing anyone else’s thoughts or opinions to interfere with you.

If other people barge in on you (psychically speaking of course, as I imagine you would already have set up your little space to be physically immune from any possible intruders), simply tell them in a firm tone: No. Stop. Get out.

If you feel you have to, stand up and push your hands forwards away from you, as if warding them off and commanding a certain distance between them and you, as you say to them firmly: No. Stop. Get out. This is my space.

Although chances are you probably won’t ever have to resort to anything so drastic. Usually just sitting quietly in your own little space should be enough to keep any intruders at bay.

Further Suggestions

Other suggestions I could offer, although I’ve never actually tried them out for myself, include activities which build up your self-esteem and confidence such as taking up a martial arts program, or following some form of assertiveness training.

A regular practice of spiritual journaling may also help you to gain insight into your inner workings, accept your gift as is and feel great about having empathy!

Any kind of activity which helps you to build up and reinforce healthy boundaries is very empowering to empaths, and teaches you to maintain control over yourself, your life and your own emotions.

The development of your empathy is a stupendous way to complement your intuitive gifts and your psychic growth. Something which you will find is totally worth the time and effort you might invest in it. And to help you in your path, I'd like to invite you to subscribe to this site using either the RSS feed or the "Subscribe" box on the right-hand column, and keep up to date on all the latest articles and posts!



If you liked this article you might also enjoy:

Clairaudience: The Psychic Channeller's Ability

Listening to And Following Your Intuition

Psychic Vampires

True Colours

Seas Of Mintaka Psychic Empowerment Blog

Return from Psychic Empathy II to Different Types of Psychic Abilities

Return to Seas Of Mintaka: Psychic Empowerment for Spiritual Growth Home Page



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